


Eat Your Heart Out John Hughes

by pennysparrow



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Arrow (Comics)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Don't copy to another site, Fluff, Gen, HIV/AIDS, Mild Language, POV First Person, Siblings, Soul-Searching, Unreliable Narrator, liberal teen movie references, omg i swear this is goofier and more lighthearted than the tags are making it out to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennysparrow/pseuds/pennysparrow
Summary: Mia's been watching way too many teen movies lately and it's just got her thinking.
Relationships: Mia Dearden & Connor Hawke, Mia Dearden & Roy Harper
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Eat Your Heart Out John Hughes

**Author's Note:**

> I don't normally read 1st person POV but I really wanted this to come off as a monologue ala Ferris Bueller or Easy A or Mean Girls so please give this nonsense a chance. 
> 
> Also, Mia's past is pretty graphic and while I don't go into it there are a couple mentions to it and she's got some dark humor about it in this. While it is minor it's there and I just wanted to give you a heads up.

Over the past couple weeks I’ve found myself watching a lot of movies. Mostly teen movies. Which would make sense as I am a teenager. But I just can’t help but notice one thing though:

My life is definitely not like some teen movie.

It’s far from an adaptation of Shakespeare, there’s no Amanda Bynes or Joseph Gordon Levitt, and it’s certainly not directed by John Hughes. I may know a lot of people who use the name Blue, but I can assure you I’m not in love with any of them. I’ve got zero intentions of going to Harvard and I’m not secretly the princess of a small European country. Even if I was somehow adopted by a billionaire. And sure, I might’ve gotten a _slight_ makeover but there was no montage and I am far from glamorous as a result. Plus, yeah people occasionally break out into song but it’s _rare_ that they’re ever in key and trust me when I say no one is ever as good a dancer as they think they are. Granted I am pretty sure that most people at my school think I’m a slut but that’s really their problem, not mine.

No, my life isn’t a movie. But I’ll admit, it’s pretty damn unbelievable.

My name’s Mia — I’ve already told you not that Mia. Admittedly, I could pass for Heather Chandler or Cher if I really wanted to but I’m not really into vintage fashion? And it’s not because I’m secretly a Plastic. No, my name’s Mia but really, I prefer being called Speedy.

Just stop. Get your mind out of the gutter. I know what you want to say and trust me, I’ve heard all the jokes. There’s only two people I know who I’ll actually listen to the jokes from anyway cause they’ve been hearing them a lot longer than me and actually manage to come up with some original material every once in a while: the first Speedy and Nightwing. I’m not really supposed to know his name but you wouldn’t believe it anyway.

Wait, I got off track. It’s easy to do that when you’re making fun of your brother and his friends. Especially when they’re so easy to make fun of.

My name’s Speedy and my life? Should be a movie.

Take yesterday for example, I went to the local CVS to pick up my meds and there was some dumbass trying to rob the place. Like people actually use cash anymore? Idiot would’ve gotten away with _maybe_ seventy bucks and some cough syrup, not even the good kind, if I hadn’t been there. My right hook? Apparently knocks would be thieves right out. Only took the one punch too. Dinah was so proud. She even got me new boxing gloves as a present.

But yeah, that’s why they call me Speedy. Cause I’m fast. Maybe not the Flash fast (but depending on which Flash even he’s not the Flash fast). But I’ve got quick reflexes and great instincts. And so long as the og Speedy isn’t around I’m the fastest draw on the West Coast. I’m pretty proud of that.

So, I’m a superhero. Which is still hella weird to say, even after I’ve been at it for over a year, and that’s why my life should be a movie. But not like a Joss Whedon one. My backstory is awful as is, I deal with enough comments on my appearance thank you, and my quips are actually funny. However, I think it’d make a really great animated movie. So long as the artists are consistent with the way they draw how I hold my bow. You ever notice that? In comics and stuff they’re always drawing the archers as ambidextrous, constantly switching which hand they shoot with, and I can assure you that I’m definitively right handed. Well, maybe you don’t notice. I do. But that’s probably cause I am an archer. And my family all complains about it.

Another reason my life should be a movie: my family is nuts. I love them, they’re wonderful. They’re also ridiculous.

Ok my friend Tim? His family admittedly takes the cake. He’s nearly been killed by nearly all his siblings. Hell, his one older brother nearly killed me once. But like their family drama is more reality show worthy than anything. Besides, Bruce has more money than the Kardashian’s anyway so...

Whereas my family? We put the fun in dysfunctional.

Ollie’s the dad, even if he’s only one of our actual fathers, and he’s just a mess of a contradiction. A socialist billionaire. Yup. Go on, take a minute. Soak it in. It’s a weird one. Admittedly, he’s lost his fortune a few times and he only really has access to enough to keep the whole Robin Hood obsession afloat... but it’s still a lot. He does try very very hard and is incredibly outspoken and politically active so feel free to judge him but not too harshly. Cause at his core he really is a good guy and he really does manage to help a lot of people. He just tries so hard and it shows. Besides, my siblings and I wouldn’t be the people we are without him. Trust me, the world is a better place with Oliver Queen in it. And, he managed to pass on his incredibly large mouth to myself and Roy and I think we can all agree that’s gotta count for something, not sure what but something. Surprisingly not to Connor though, who’s his Actual Child but alas, that’s Ollie for you.

And then there’s Dinah. She could kick you in the nuts and you’d thank her. Once you were able to talk again of course. The definition of a badass. She’s much too good for Ollie and he knows it but they’re kinda disgustingly in love and he bought her a flower shop, so I guess it’s ok. So long as they quit making out over breakfast I can’t complain. She’s got the whole mom thing down for the most part too, though her advice isn’t always applicable to every situation. Her mother was a superhero and she grew up surrounded by superheroes. She still is surrounded by superheroes. So, general life advice? She’s the one to talk to. Best tips for team ups? She’s your gal. What to do when your teacher is being a sexist pig? Her solutions would land you with a suspension at the very least. But damn do I love Dinah.

Next is Roy. He’s the oldest of us “kids” and he’s got a kid of his own, Lian the sweetest child of an assassin you’ll ever meet. And I’ve met a lot, believe it or not, so I know what I’m talking about. It’s definitely because Roy loves people with his whole heart, and he tries just as hard as Ollie does. He just tends to pour most of that tenacity into giving Lian the best childhood possible, while still being a superhero. Normal their life is not. But then again, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have it any other way. When he’s not being the ultimate dad, Roy’s a living legend. A founder of the Teen Titans and former member of the Justice League (who I know would have him back in an instant) the guy has literally been saving the world since before he could legally drive. Plus, he’s a recovering addict and I think that’s even cooler. It’s easy to save the world, not so much to decide you want to save yourself. When he decides to come visit I get about a hundred noogies, some truly wild training exercises and stories, the weirdest trick arrows he can come up with, and someone who is literally down for anything from egging a mob boss’s car to freaking out about your crush to watching hallmark movies to talking to someone who kinda gets some of the suckier parts of what I did before I met Ollie. Roy can be a dumbass, but he’s my dumbass and I love my big bro.

Connor is my other big brother and if Roy is the wild child then Connor is the good kid. Though don’t let that fool you. He might be a pacifist but he can still take down a gang selling drugs to underage kids, help out his favorite Green Lantern with like aliens or something, and team up with the ninja Batgirl on a kidnapping case all before eating his vegetarian bacon for breakfast. He’s that cool. Plus, he doesn’t judge you for like anything and as a teenage girl I can attest to how rare a quality that is in people and how truly wonderful it is. Connor is kind and compassionate like his dad but he’s also calm and contemplative. Relatively rare qualities in our household. He’s one of the most accepting people you’ll ever meet, and despite being raised by monks he’s got a killer sense of humor. I just love hanging out with him. He’s loyal, he’s caring, and he’s a catch. I’m trying really hard to set him up with someone right now and unfortunately it’s not going well because if you can’t tell he’s still single. Ok but seriously? Connor is just one of the best people in the world and I’m lucky he’s my brother.

And that’s my family, aka our cast. Well I could go into more but really those are the people I really care about and who I know care about me. We’re all A Lot as human beings and we all kinda get that. Plus, despite wanting to we never actually have tried to kill each other which is another point in our favor over the Waynes. Which I’ve probably already mentioned... Oh well, people are like really obsessed with them and I don’t get it. I mean. I’ve met them. Well-adjusted they are not. We’re not ones to talk but like even Dinah’s friend Babs admits that they’re a mess and she’s pretty much one of them. Like not legally or by blood or anything but definitely in spirit. The worst thing we’ve ever done is get blocked on Twitter by the president. Which is far from hard to accomplish. And now that I think about it really not the worst thing any of us have managed to do...

But we are definitely entertaining! I mean, you’ve got politics with Ollie, a built in flower shop au with Dinah, Roy’s got a cute kid and the whole charismatic single dad thing, Connor is a Genuinely Good Guy with principals and convictions, and I’m a teen superhero with spunk and HIV. We’re the perfect set up for anything from romcom to drama, action to horror. Hell, we could do heart wrenching or art house if you give us a few weeks too.

I will say though, being a superhero isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes, there’s a world ending crisis and you’re stuck in pre-calc and can’t help. Other times you’ve gotta miss a bomb threat cause you have too many broken ribs from the brawl with a super villain the night before. The worst though is when things are just slow. Then, you feel dumb for having gotten all suited up for nothing and have to sit around just waiting for something to go wrong. Or — and this is worse — it means that something just massive is going to happen very soon and there goes the next two weeks of your life.

But with that said, superheroing is far from dull. I’ve gotten to see the world, make loads of interesting friends, go on insane adventures, and help people. That’s the best part, helping people. There’s so many people out there who, through no fault of their own, need someone to look out for them. I get to be that someone. I’ve been that person who needed someone, so I get it and I don’t want anyone else to have to feel that way.

Wow. You know I was going for quirky and relatable, not deep and emotional. Sorry about that. Let’s see... my life isn’t some teen movie, my family is weird, I’m a hero and why... ok right. So. My life isn’t some teen movie but it’s definitely movie worthy.

Like last week? I was sitting at home and Roy just flips himself over the back of the couch. No call or text to say he was coming over. No warning. Just. Suddenly there. Next to me on the couch.

So, I look at him and I scream. Because I was startled because my brother just showed up out of nowhere and flipped himself over the couch to sit next to me.

Roy just raises an eyebrow. “You good kid?” He’s completely nonplussed. The shit.

“Where’s your spawn? I like her better.” It took me a second, but I managed to appear unfazed as I replied.

He laughed and stared back behind him, towards the kitchen where giggly shrieks could be heard. “Terrorizing Ollie.”

“So you decided to come and terrorize me? Nice Harper. Real mature.”

“Nah. Something much more innocent than that.”

I tried my best to give him a cool eyebrow raise, I’ve been learning from Dinah, but I’m pretty sure it failed cause Roy just kept smirking.

“I have a proposition for you.”

That had me snorting. “I don’t take propositions from older men anymore. Or really anyone. I’ve changed my career path.”

Roy’s smirk faltered. Told you, my quips are better than Whedon’s. “What’s with this family and dark humor?”

Every time I talk to Roy, I find myself being more snarky than usual. Part of me knows he agitates me on purpose, it’s his way of making sure I follow in the Speedy legacy. Robin brings light, Wonder Girl a new perspective, Speedy is a snarky little shit. It’s not really a test, more impromptu training than anything, but I haven’t failed yet.

Roy’s still chuckling, and I flashed him a grin. “You’re one to talk.”

He held his hands up placating me. “Alright, alright. No need for you to just cut me off at the knees like that.”

Payback’s a bitch.

“I wasn’t kidding,” Roy continued. “I’ve got something. A case. Could really use your help.”

Now I’m interested. “What kind of case?”

“The kind with a fun surprise ending.”

“And what’s the ending?”

“That you’re the one that beats their asses instead of me.”

Roy’s got me grinning again. “I’ll admit. I’m interested.”

“Thought you might be. Help me with dinner and I’ll fill you in?”

And that’s how last week my brother had me sitting on a rooftop for three hours in the rain as we waited. It ended up worth it, because we caught the creep who was kidnapping street kids.

The sitting there wasn’t movie worthy. But the fight?

Arrows flying! Punches thrown! Kicks landed!

It. Was. Epic.

What was less epic was the nasty bruise I got on my calf. That’s another thing they don’t show in the movies.

But luckily, I didn’t notice that until later. Mostly because Roy took me to get ice cream right after in celebration.

In full costume.

At the place downtown that looks like a fifty’s soda shop.

Alright. Nope. I see it. I realize what I said. I’ll admit my mistake, eating a brownie batter sundae in hero gear at a place decked out in neon and checkerboard tiles with your impulsive older brother does sound like something out of a teen movie. Not really sure what kind. A weird cross between _Sky High_ and _Grease_ maybe?

But I don’t have a quirky best friend or a sweet love interest and certainly not someone who’s one in the same.

So no teen movie.

Got it?

Just. Ice cream and bad jokes with my brother.

Aw crap. Nope. It’s time I acknowledge it. I’ve been adopted by a billionaire and his weirdass family. I got turned into a superhero. And I even came out to my whole school about having HIV. Yeah, that checks a lot of boxes.

But there’s a whole lot about my life that really doesn’t fit into the John Hughes formula. But, then again maybe so?

See, all those teen movies take place within a couple weeks at most. They make mention of some of the characters’ less than stellar pasts but over the course of the movie everything is fine.

There’s crazy characters.

Action and adventure.

Jokes and some brutal honesty.

And a happy ending. Maybe not a happily ever after, but a happy ending to the day or week or month.

It might not seem believable. Even in my mess of a life I found it hard to believe. But you know what? I’ve come to realize life is a lot more fun when you joke and find people to joke with. When you find something you believe in and fight for it. It’s hard finding your place in the world and it takes time and it hurts but when you do? Enjoy it. Mostly because, as fatalistic as it sounds, you never know when the credits are going to roll.

Besides, if you do it right? You’ll end up with ice cream and one killer soundtrack and honestly, I’m starting to think that’s all that really counts. But that could be the pain meds talking, patrol last night was like something out of a Michael Bay film and my head is _killing_ me.

Which is probably why I’m just now realizing you’re recording all this. Connor? I trusted you.

_Sorry Mia. You turned into Ferris Bueller, what was I supposed to do?_

Oh, I don’t know. Not film? Oh god. How much did I trash talk the Titans?

_Not much._

Roy that smirk is not reassuring.

_It’s because you trashed the Bats pretty consistently._

Oh fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> Let's see the movies nodded to/I was thinking of include: 10 Things I Hate About You, She's The Man, Hairspray, Easy A, Love Simon, Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller, Legally Blonde, Princess Diaries, Mean Girls, Heathers, Clueless, Empire Records, Avengers/Justice League/all of Joss Whedon's superhero directing, Into the Spider-verse, High School Musical, and literally anything else on Disney Channel or directed by John Hughes lol. 
> 
> In true PG-13 movie fashion Mia got one good swear.


End file.
